Katieland.....

So I asked both big kids for ideas for Christmas gifts. Yes, in September.

After giving me a virtual head shake, I did get some answers from one kid.

Katie told me she wants a gun.

Yep, a gun.

Now, this non-gun toting mom was none too pleased to hear this.

K: "But mom, I need one. Dad will buy it for me."

Me: "Ah, but I buy the presents."

K: "He'll do it if I ask".

Me: "If I give him the money. Which I won't."

K: "It's a law here in town that you have to have a gun if you live alone."

side note: she does not live alone!

And the hypothetical situations began.....

K: "What if someone tried to break in and I was home alone? If I had a gun, I would be okay and not kidnapped or worse."

Me: "No one is going to break into a third floor apartment."

K: "Sure they will. It's easy to pick a lock."

Sigh.

Me: "I am not buying you a gun."

K: "Fine, then I want a ceiling fan."

Me: "Sounds good. That I can do."

K: "You know though, if the fan started to fall from the ceiling and I had a gun, I could shoot it and save myself."

I can't win........

Birthday Number Nine

Turning nine takes a village, let me tell you. Especially when that birthday falls within the first week of school.

Villager number one took her shopping last week for a special gift complete with spending the night in a cool, college apartment with awesome sorority roommates.

Villager number two spent time at Target buying gifts while on the phone with mom who was at work.

"Pink legos? Really? I have to buy Barbie clothes? Community helpers, Fashionista, or Beach? What color hula hoop? Barbie coloring book? What kind? People are going to think something is wrong with me."

Sob stories aside, gifts were purchased and wrapped all while I was working.

Yep, he earned his keep.

Villager number three ran across the street tonight when I realized we had no matches to light the candles on the birthday cake.

Villager number four told me repeatedly that I was Face Timing Katie backwards. All she could see were the cabinets....not the birthday girl.

The best villager, though, came from Kroger.

She offered to personalize the birthday girl's cake of choice.....a cookie cake.

The old grandma bakery worker (according to Anna Grace) was the icing on the cake.....

I'm thinking spelling needs to be added to the Kroger training sessions.......

A Slight Mishap

Yesterday found us at the public library, searching for that elusive best book to read......well, at least something to keep certain people occupied and quiet. Whatever floats your boat.

As I was scanning the shelves, I looked up and saw something amazing. Something I truly have never seen with my eyes before, yet have heard about.

What was it?

Toilet paper hanging out of the back of a skirt.

Yep.

You know, the kind of people you see on random Wal-Mart photos, Facebook pics, people you can giggle at and say, "Whew, glad that's not me."

Wait, hold on here.....

Upon further reflection, I realized the skirt looked familiar. Uh oh.

The skirt looked familiar because I've washed it before. Many times.

Oh heavens.

The toilet paper dangling from the skirt belonged to my own child.

And the sad thing is, I hadn't noticed until this point.

And it was 4pm.

Boogers.....

Today found us driving an hour north, in the early morning, with no air conditioning, in off and on rain, to help Katie move into her new apartment. Just how I want to spend a hot Saturday......but, we have to be nice parents sometimes, you know.

Well, within ten minutes of leaving home, all we heard was, "How much longer?", "Are we there yet?" even though certain little girls have been to see Katie before and know about the drive. I mean heavens, it's only an hour.

So Daddy told them about a wonderful new game called Boogers. Yep, you read that right.

How does one play, you may ask?

Stare intently out your window at all the passing vehicles. Find the people inside said vehicle. Look to see if their fingers are anywhere near their nose, in the nose, etc. If the fingers are near a nose, you get to yell, "Boogers!" and claim points.

One point for kids, five points for dads, and ten points for moms. After all, moms don't do that kind of thing.

Guess what I heard for the next forty minutes?

Yep, "Boogers!" over and over again.

I never knew so many people in Atlanta picked their noses.

Geesh.

Oil, Cars, and Boys....Oh My!

A short eleven months ago, we bought a fourth vehicle to accommodate our fourth driver. Thankfully, we did not spend a lot on it as we soon discovered the car had a drinking problem.

Uh oh.

Yep, we had purchased an oil junkie.

Awesome.

Must explain why the price on the car was so cheap, but I digress....

We stressed the importance of checking the oil to The Boy but what 17 year old kid does that faithfully? After all, that's what the lights on the dashboard are for, right?

Guess not.

Two weeks ago, the car croaked. Dead. On. Arrival.

Teen Boy, no oil, on the highway, car shuddering, and lights blinking equal a dead car.

At an ungodly hour, but I won't go there.

End result? Fried engine.

Can't tell you how excited I was to learn this information.

A perfectly nice car got hauled off to the salvage yard. Sigh.

Let me just tell you, visiting a salvage yard is an interesting experience.

Two guys (with just a few teeth between them) asked me about the car, commiserated about its demise, and offered advice for the future all while the girls played happily in the dirt digging up lost nuts and bolts.

We got to watch the Dead Car get picked up by a forklift, hauled off to be weighed, and taken off to parts unknown.

Poor car.

For our contribution to the salvage yard, we were awarded a check for $294.

Yay.

Would much rather have the car. Sigh.

But according to the girls, we are now rich!

Ah, to be 8 again.....

Grandma's Gone Missing

"Mom, I lost Grandma."

What?

Alex and Grandma headed out to Wal-Mart this morning for a few errands.

Didn't think he'd lose her.

Or, maybe she lost him.

Evidently, she told Alex to go get her a camera card. So he did.

When he came back to where he left her, she was gone.

Phone rang.

"Mom, what did Grandma come to buy here?"

Hmm, well, I don't know. Maybe clothes?

I sent him to the women's section to scan shoppers. After all, how many lost Grandma's could possibly be in Wal-Mart.

Phone rang again.

"She's not here."

Are you in the women's section, or misses, or juniors?

"There's a difference?"

Geesh.

A few minutes later, I got a text.

"I found her."

Well, where was she?

"By the birthday cards....like that was obvious."

The Bad Fairy

A lost tooth only means one thing.

A visit from the Tooth Fairy with money to share is close at hand.

Abby lost a tooth at school. She was so excited! Anna Grace spread the excitement with texts to Katie, Alex, and Daddy to share the news.

The tooth was lovingly placed under the pillow last night in anticipation of the arrival of the awesome Tooth Fairy.

The Tooth Fairy placed a dollar bill by her sink as a reminder to herself....and.... promptly forgot.

I was awoken this morning by two little girls who said....

"She forgot to come."

Huh? What on earth are you talking about?

"The Tooth Fairy forgot to come get Abby's tooth."

Oh my. The Tooth Fairy messed up.

Big time.

How do I remedy this situation?

After lunch and errands, I snuck into the girls room, swiped the tooth, and left the money.

Abby, for some unknown reason, checked under her pillow only ten minutes later.

Shrieks of excitement filled the air.

"Mom!! The Tooth Fairy came when we were getting your car at the garage!! I didn't know she could come in the day time!"

And Alex burst out laughing........

Teenagers.